Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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