if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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