Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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