it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
