Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it glows. i had to have it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
