im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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