now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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