She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
