Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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