Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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