Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
