Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
