I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
