In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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