need another drink. this is the easiest way
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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