If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
