walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
