oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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