All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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