I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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