Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
