Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
