Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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