Reggie can tackle my bush.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
