Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
