the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
