I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
