Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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