I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I party with great urgency now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
