It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
