I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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