I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
