she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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