so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
