i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
