toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
