I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
