Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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