I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
