I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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