I wish my penis had an off switch
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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