walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
