i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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