I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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