you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
