If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
