fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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