Got a toothbrush?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
