at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
