Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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