I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
